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| Weekend masquerade ball at the Catons! |
Today was a bit of a sad day. John has been loosing his hair for a few days now, getting thinner by the day. It was funny but sad to know where he had been because of all the hair he had left.
John told me tonight that it hurt when his hair came out, the nurse told us it would. So after talking we decided I would shave his head. Our quarantine just became the Caton's Hair Salon!
We laughed and joked as we did it but as soon as John went to shower I could not stop the tears. Why does it bother me so much? He looks great, he actually pulls of the bad boy short hair quite nicely; in fact it's pretty sexy! Lol
The reason it made me sad was remembering when I found out my Dad lost his hair when he had chemo and the still raw pain of loosing him came rushing back like it was yesterday. A reminder of how much Chemo has affected the men I love most.
That aside, my tears are not a lack of faith or fear. They are simply a sign of my brokenness. I know sometimes the church tries hard to cover all signs of weakness and emotion just in case people think we don't have it all together but I am not sure why?
Brokenness is ok with me right now and I am unashamed.
God is my strength and refuge. I am weak but He is strong.
amen sister, amen. we love you so much. the other day i was cleaning out some clutter and came across Amanda Lockwood YWAM papers and then John and Amanda Caton papers. i love seeing where God has taken you and is taking you. our hearts are filled with love for you both and i think that tears are fine expression of our hearts. im praying right now for you. michael says... "there is nothing wrong with crying, even Jesus cried in the garden of gethsemane. emotions are a real things, something that you shouldn't scoff at or think don't matter."
ReplyDeleteWe love you guys and are praying for you! Do you have pix of bald John? We wanna see 'em!
ReplyDeleteGod is so good, and He loves us all SO! He gives us strength when we are weak, and joy when we are sorrowful. Tears are His, too, for He gave them to us for His purposes. If we can understand your reasons for tears, dear Amanda, just think how closely the Lord is watching, and catching each one in His hands. He has numbered the hairs of our heads - whether they are ON our heads or off, too! May they grow back quickly, John! Love, Jean R.
lol, I just sent you an email anticipating how you would feel and have just read your blog to find I was right... If arms could stretch to Boston they'd be round you right now!
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with brokenness - God meets us where we're at and Christians have just as much right to be broken as anyone. God says it is in our weakness that He is strong...
Lean on Him, dear sister... And as we always say - be real with God, He's big enough to take it...
loving you, let's skype on sunday.
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