Day 111

"For the first time in months I feel well rested" 
These are the words I uttered to my friend Steph this weekend.

I may have spoken too soon.

I (Amanda) was awoke by a bang and a shout of pain from John, I have never jumped and ran so quickly. He had fallen and smashed his head on our hard wood floor, it was pretty bad; a lot of blood. We knew his platelets were low (platelets control clotting factor so when they are low it is hard for the body to stop bleeding). With this we knew we must go to the ER. It broke my heart to take him to the hospital, "I only just got him home" I thought.

His head was banged up pretty bad, about 10 stitches above his eye. His eye is swollen shut, looks terrible but the good news is the CAT scan showed no internal damage so we just wait for the swelling to go down. The bleeding stopped although intermittently starts again.

He has been re-admitted to the hospital so they can keep an eye on him (If you'll excuse the pun) but hopefully he will come out tomorrow.

Early on today in the ER John and I knew we had a choice of how we dealt with what had happened. We could be angry and question "Why God? Have we not been through enough?" and we could self pity. Or we could remember what is true.
Remember what we know...
God is Good,
God Loves us,
God is all powerful.
If the above is true then God has either caused or allow this to happen for a purpose or reason we will never know. Either way we trust Him and we love Him.

Easter Saturday

How do you think the disciples felt on Saturday?

This question popped into my brain yesterday as I thought about Good Friday. I imagined myself there watching the one I loved the most, the one I had given everything too be murdered. And not just murdered taunted, beat, whipped, mocked- a crown of thorn thrust onto his head. I don't even know how I would react? 

Would I have ran?

Would I have stayed and endured the whole thing?

Would I have denied him? Would I be capable of that? The sad answer is Yes. I could have been Peter. 

But what about the next day? The Saturday.

The only way I can relate is through the experience of loosing my Dad. I remember waking up the morning after his death and for the first few seconds of that day feeling nothing, just normal. And then as my brain awoke I was hit by a crushing cloud of grief and hopelessness.

Perhaps, in some small way, this is how the disciples felt, if indeed they slept. 

And then there is Sunday! O Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Now Sunday I can imagine fully. That Sunday saved my life 2000 years later, that Sunday bought me out of my despair, my sin, my self hatred, my hopelessness. That Sunday is the reason I live and breathe and move.  On that Sunday I went from lost to found and everything is more real since. The blinders are off!

Maybe you read this and you have never experienced the power of Jesus in your life. Be encouraged, you are passionately loved by Jesus and he wants you to know him today, it's as simple as saying '"Hi", that's all I did on my first prayer.

From there will begin the greatest adventure of your life! 

Happy Easter

Day 105

In his cool new hat and sunglasses!

Today was a long day! 10 hours of hospital appointments!

John went for his photopersis treatment today. He will receive this twice a week for the next couple of months. This takes around 3 hours a time but is totally painless to John and the nurses in that ward are an absolute riot! :) It's like a little elite social club :)

Because of the treatment John is especially at risk from sun burn and other skin problems from the sun so they gave him this amazing hat and sunglasses! Ha! Suffice to say we will be changing this hat to a Steelers one pretty soon!

John's doctor was very impressed with his progress today! He said he was "amazed" at how John was recovering! He even allowed John to have a hamburger, a fact John reminds me off often! 

It's so nice to visit the hospital and get only good news! Long may it continue we say!

John and I were praying last night. Thanking God for all our many blessings which are too many for us to list and yet we tried. In this simple act of thankfulness before God we were so in awe of all God has done for us. It dawned on me that so often in life we look for reasons for our suffering, rarely do we find it and when and if we do it never satisfies; and why? Because really deep down we are not truly looking for an answer to why we hurt, suffer, grief; we are really looking for who God is.

Is He good?
Is He powerful?
Does He love me?

When you search with your whole heart and mind you will find the answer is Yes. 


When we get to know His nature and His character and understand who He is, we can walk through anything. And where do we find Him? It is when we reach our hearts to Him and ask Him to come into our lives. It is reading His word and discovering who He is. 

If you want to know who God is, Look at Jesus. 
God as man.

It may sound cliche but we could not do this without Him and we would not want to.
 

Day 104

Finally after 52 days in the hospital John is home.

John finally eating after 5 weeks without food

He was released on day 100 of his transplant.
The GVHD of his gut seems to be under control and he is able to eat a plain but good diet. All easy to digest food like chicken, rice, white bread. We see the nutritionist tomorrow and we may be able to up it a little. John lost a lot of weight during these last 7 weeks, went from being about 190 pounds to being 156 pounds. Not only that the chemotherapy has had kick back effect and John lost his hair again. John is still receiving the photoperesis treatment which is due tomorrow.

John resting at home, Go Steelers!

The healing is slow but sure, John is very weak and tired but we are just so happy he is home :)
Thank you so much for all your prayers :)

Day 98

John and Amanda- First walk outside in 7 weeks

 FINALLY SOME PROGRESS!

7 weeks now since John was admitted into Brigham and Woman's Hospital. During these weeks there have been so many questions, worries, concerns, tears and confusion. 


We have faced many set backs, many weeks of one step forward and two steps back.


This past week has been filled with hope that has not disappointed. They started a new treatment last week and John has been taking steps forward ever since; today he had cream of wheat, English muffin and Noodle soup! 

Ian (Brother) and Beth (Sister in Law) with John

4 weeks and no solid food till now! Let's just say he enjoyed it!


He seems to be making a good recovery from an acute severe case of Graft Versus Host of the gut. He is on many medications which he will be weened off slowly; the hope is that it WILL NOT return! We are praying so hard that this bump in the road would be our last! 


We, as do our doctors, family and friends, still believe God is going to fully heal John! 


Doctor said he could be home as early as Friday! 
Keep you posted...

Day 90

John is still in Brigham and Women's hospital in Boston.
6 weeks now...
John has been making some recovery; an infection set him back a little and the Graft Versus Host Disease is being slow to heal despite the steroids which should aid his body is recovering. John is no longer having fevers or vomiting but his gut is still very damaged and in need of repair.
Doctors are trying a new treatment this week called Photopheresis.
These last 6 weeks have been filled with ups and downs and what keeps us going is knowing that the transplant has grafted and this current episode should be temporary.

God is indeed our strength.
John and I have grown closer to God in this time; we have taken all our worries, concerns, and pain to God. His shoulders can carry the burdens that weigh us. He can break through even our deepest fears.
We remain hopeful...